Somewhere Down In Disturbia, It Ain't Right

I watched Disturbia on cable a few weeks ago. It's actually a pretty good movie. I know that detractors will just say it's Rear Window for the Gossip Girl generation, but I think it still weaves a good yarn, and David Morse is effectively big time creep city.

BUT

the love story falls a bit flat. so Shia Labeof (I know I spelled his name wrong, I'd learn the correct spelling but it's just not important to me) is basically an everyman, an average boy. that's fine, but his love interest, Sarah Roemer, is extremely gorgeous. Not just gorgeous, a gorgeous girl who wants him immediately. maybe it's because he's under house arrest which gives him a bad boy thing going, but then her reaction to catching him spying on her is to invite herself into his house like she's in the grips of her mating season.

THEN

when he tries to ruin her party and she confronts him, he goes on to describe all her idiosyncrasies and habits in frighteningly meticulous detail, the kind that in a normal society would be grounds for a restraining order. she responds by KISSING HIM. If I'd known that, I would have set up a telescope in front of Jennifer Love Hewitt's house years ago (you know, when she was hot). This is possibly more "disturbing" than all the bodies they later find under David Morse's basement, unless the whole point is that ultimately, Labeuf's behavior leads to Morse's in the real world.

and the film was a hit, possibly because it gives hope to all the stalkers out there suveillancing the girl of their dreams. it's not usually not the girl next door because not too many of them live next door to supermodels, but the internet has turned our computers into the ultimate pair of binoculers. this is no secret of course, but the parallels become increasingly vivid that further you wander into this vietnam, especially with the self-imposed house arrests of cyber-stalkers who never leave their parents' basements. Disturbia gives them hope that their dreams can come true. until then, cyberstalking will still be the most sincere and anonymous form of flattery.

New Kids On The Block

So New Kids On The Block are getting back together. the obvious question is why, but I suspect that one reason is the economy. not because those guys don't have any money, which they may or may not, but seeing as one of them became a real estate agent, with the real estate market being as bad as it is, he may be having a problem without the cash coming in. therefore, George W. Bush is responsible for New Kids On The Block getting back together, all the more reason to vote democratic this election and for the Hillary motherfuckers to not vote McCain out of spite if (and when) Obama gets the nomination (don't fuck this up like the Nader supporters did).

What happened to Donnie Wahlberg's acting career? After Band Of Brothers, even I had respect for the guy.

This is just what the world needs, a 40 year old boy band. Next we'll see a reunion of the original Menudo line up, they've got to all be 60 by now. Should we call them New Men On The Block? Don't they realize their fans are not eleven anymore?

Forever Your Girl


P: Do you have to take a girl to dinner if you want to make her feel special?

J: I don't think so.

P: Or can you just make her dinner at home?

J: That's even better. A nice intimate dinner.

Me: You know what really makes a girl feel special?

J: What?

Me: Anal.